Despite the fact we’re in the lovey-dovey Valentine’s Day zone, I woke up this morning thinking about the few things that my husband and I disagree about. We’ve been together since 1989 (!) so we’ve learned to compromise and meet each other midway on many issues. Actually, we don’t fight about much. Just little things like these:
Quibble or Squabble?
Rory and I are into words – I mean vocabulary terms. I mentioned the idea of this post to him soon after he opened his eyes today, and the first thing we discussed was: Do we quibble or squabble? I thought we quibbled and he said we squabbled. Whenever we spat over words, we let the dictionary decide the winner. In the process of hashing out things, we improve our vocabulary.
Turns out that quibbling is when you raise trivial objections or petty arguments for the sake of evading the truth or importance of an issue. Squabbling describes when you’re engaged in an argument about something trivial. Not wanting to be evasive or dishonest, I agreed that that we squabble, not quibble. “I love squabs,” he jokingly replied.
Loading the Dishwasher
Long before we had a dishwasher, several older couples told us, “We still fight over how to load the dishwasher.” We didn’t have a dishwasher until about nine years ago and didn’t know what they meant.
When we did graduate to using one, we sometimes found ourselves rearranging how each other loaded the dishes. What position ensures that the dishes get cleaned? Where should certain dishes be placed to avoid chipping? Is there an optimal place for chopsticks and rice bowls? We’d duke things out till we realized that if something didn’t get cleaned, we’d just hand wash it. Duh.
Folding the Laundry
When we were dating, Rory would sometimes come over to my apartment and help me do laundry. He was appalled at my folding skills. I sorted just fine but when it came to the final follow-through with neatly folding up each article of clothing, I was awful.
Rory, on the other hand, made the clothes look like they ought to be on display at Banana Republic! He never worked apparel retail but he certainly can switch careers, if ever needed. He even keeps his t-shirts neat in the dresser drawer.
We decided long ago that I’d have my own dresser drawer. That way, I can freely mess up my once-nicely-folded up stack of clothes. Rory took charge of doing the laundry after we started living together. (Hey, I cook!) Whenever he asks me to help with the folding, I only get to take care of my clothes.
Setting the Thermostat
It’s winter so every morning, Rory hops out of bed and runs into the hallway to increase the thermostat and warm the house up. By the time I start working out, the house is cozy. However, there’s a heater vent right above where I exercise, which means that I get hit with the occasional blast of hot air whenever the furnace comes on. The result is that I get overheated and cranky.
For a while I was sneaking by the thermostat to turn it down and then he’d get mad because it felt too cold to him. We had several spats over the temperature until we figured out this strategy: He initially cranks it up, and before I work out, I crank it down notch or two so the furnace doesn’t come on while I’m sweating. When I’m done, Rory turns it up to a comfy temperature. We are both happy.
Writing about these squabbles makes me realize how ridiculously petty they are. However, at the same time, I realize that we fundamentally agree that the dishes should be clean, our clothes should make us look neat, and we should feel warm. We may dicker on how to arrive at those points but we do figure out a way to get there together. I suppose that that’s what makes a relationship work.
Do you and your partner spar on little things? If you care to share, please do.
I won’t let my husband fold the laundry – he’s just awful at it. What a sweet post. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Ha! When Rory’s done with the laundry, it’s neatly stacked up on the bed. I shove my stuff into the dress and closet while he neatly arranges his…
I have noticed that your stories have become more contrived/forced, more dramatic and quite pretentious. I hope you get back to clean writing of Vietnamese food.
Hi Andrea,
I do the dishes (no dishwasher) but Annie folds the clothes because I am terrible at it. We’ve no need for a thermostat here in tropical Kuching but when we were in the Bay Area we didn’t really dicker over the temp.
I suppose we all do things that get on each others’ nerves. The small things shouldn’t be made big.
Thanks for this cute little Valentine’s interlude. It will make a perfect topic for discussion over dinner 🙂
Wow, really? The adjectives “contrived”, “forced”, “dramatic”, and “pretentious” don’t even come close to describing the tone of this post. I thought it was quite sweet and a little silly. No one is forcing you to read it!
I think you just described your own comment.
Jeff, this site is about many things — not just Vietnamese food. I’ve shared many aspects of my personal life, about my family and friends.
If the current posts don’t jive with you, check past posts on Vietnamese food to satiate your curiosity. Or, consider locating a copy of “Into the Vietnamese Kitchen” at your local library or bookstore for extra detailed info on Viet foodways. There’s tons of information for you to mine.
Hi Nate, Maybe in Kuching, you and Annie deliberate about the A/C? Hope you both and your family are doing well!
Gio is far worse. He’ll let it get wrinkled and bunched up if I don’t do his clothes!
Aww, this is a sweet post! I can relate to the washing dishes part. My husband would stack up the plates and bowls separately, fill the sink with water, add soap and then only wash them one by one. My way is to grab whichever is on top of the pile, and wash them under the running water. I am slowly learning to do it the right way to conserve water.
What great timing! My Dearest and I were squabbling over his incorrect usage of the word doppelganger. And we are always fighting about the dishwasher – he says I load it wrong, I say it even makes clean dishes dirty.
Golly! SOMEONE is all alone this Valentine’s Day, and is unhappy about it. And going to make everyone else unhappy today, too. 🙂
Dicker or debate? And here I thought I was the only person insane about dishwasher loading. Funny post – thanks!
Lol, I try to organize the dishes before I bring them into the kitchen from the dining table. Then I, too, grab the one on top to wash.
We are households fixated on the 2 Ds — dishwashers and dictionaries. 🙂
My pleasure, Philip. I’m glad you and others share the same ‘issues.’
Such a great post! As for dishwashers, I personally can’t figure out how to have chopsticks in mine without them slipping through the cracks. Curious to hear how you handle them!
Thanks for sharing things that really get to our nerve, but then when we look at it, it’s rather petty, isn’t it? But that’s how we learn to laugh at it afterward. Live and learn, I guess.
Very sweet post! Wishing you two a belated happy Valentine’s Day. This reminds me of squabbles with my sisters. I can’t load Sonia’s dishwasher. She has loading strategy. 😉 And I can’t seem to figure them out.
This is a great inspiring article.Some things in here I have not thought about before.Keep up post continue and stay tune with us.
Dim-witted comments. Pointless. Of no value, whatsoever.
My husband would stands and watch me doing a quick scub the dishes before load to the diswasher….”You miss this spot”…What’s the point? They are going to the 700$ smart machine anyway! Or “You should tack them this way so they’ll have room to dry at the end” ….Duh!!! …… I sure got a Mr. Right at home. Now, my 2 daugthers 19 and 20 are just like their dad. They could take almost 1 hour to do a hand wash dishes for just few plates and bowls….so funny!
I feel mostly on top of things when we all burst through the door